A group of six 20-somethings from Pasco, Washington have an INTENSE fantasy RWRR challenge league. This blog documents our 2010 CutThroat season.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Friday, October 22, 2010
WEEK 3 Results and Anal-
-ysis. BeeTwice likes it when I do that even though he doesn't get the joke.
Episode 3 is in the books and boy was it a good one. Scoring increased dramatically across the board (except for your Commish, who inexplicably got a measly 2 points) because of the shorter challenge and development of head cases.
THE HOT TUB - It took until episode 3, but we finally had a hot tub scene, and Laurel kicked it off nicely by chugging vodka from the bottle and o.j. from the carton. Way to be a class act, Amazon. Your choice of beverage clued me into the Chaucerian wit you would later expound upon Big Easy.
QOE3 - Laurel: "Remember when your penis made it in a vagina? It didn't."
What an insult! To frame the "you don't get laid because you are fat and ugly" insult in the form of a question like that would make Alex Trebek proud. I also appreciate how you followed it up with "if I were to see you on the street, I wouldn't touch you," because it insinuates that you go around touching people on the street. Finally, you closed it out by proclaiming E's exit with "you came out because you're a fat fuck, now leave because you're a fat fuck." That doesn't make any sense, but I'm sure your fantasy owners (Tino, Bill Simmons) appreciate the points.
The worst part of Laurel's tirade is that it distracted from Emily and Paula Walnuts making out in the hot tub (11 points for Shim and CO each). Two ladies Frenching in bikinis should not be preempted by a drunk with cottage cheese thighs berating a 275 pound ginger with a beard. If it would have been Melinda and Jenn making out I would have smashed the DVR.
THE CHALLENGE - Kudos to the producers for actually composing a good challenge this week. Heights + short time span + helmet cams = success. If they could have fit spelling or doing math or trivia into the challenge it could have been an A+. (NOTE: I have a brilliant idea for the perfect challenge but I will outline it in detail in a later post.) Anyway, we decided to subtract a point for every person who fell or got DQ'd, meaning Laurel, Theresa, Bananas, Paula, Chet, C.M., and Melinda got docked a point.
Katie however...her fall warranted no loss of points for the comedy factor. As BX2 so eloquently put: "I love the helmet cam. Bitch, you did me good. Write that down." Thank you, Katie, for smashing your face and getting a black eye. Bitch, you did us all good.
Which brings us to Shauvon. You disappointed TJ, you big breasted quitter. That is frowned upon mightily, and thus you are docked 15 points. Coupled with voting yourself into the Gulag and tanking it because Sarah strong-armed you, you are this week's LVP. I'm sure CO appreciates the net -12 you got him this week.
THE REST - Johnny's fight in the Prague club was disappointing due to lack of coverage, but it still netted Tino 15 points (fist fight [10] plus return from hospital [5]). Johnny is turning out to be a surprise Alpha Dog over Derrick this season. Sarah also gets an extra point for making Shauvon give up. Overall, a Goliath showing by Tino's team, getting him 60 points from 4 players.
Katie, however, stole the show. Yelling at everyone, crying all over the place, swearing a massive 19 times...in the end Katie scored a 2009 Chris Johnson-esque 35 points and survived to come back next week. We even gave her an extra point for icing the wrong eye. Henceforth, she shall be known as Katie2K...until she loses the Gulag next week.
Big Easy also scored some big points for Shim, who ended up with a respectable 53. I still don't know how he beat Vinny in the Gulag, but it happened. Sorry, Deroids.
Episode 3 is in the books and boy was it a good one. Scoring increased dramatically across the board (except for your Commish, who inexplicably got a measly 2 points) because of the shorter challenge and development of head cases.
THE HOT TUB - It took until episode 3, but we finally had a hot tub scene, and Laurel kicked it off nicely by chugging vodka from the bottle and o.j. from the carton. Way to be a class act, Amazon. Your choice of beverage clued me into the Chaucerian wit you would later expound upon Big Easy.
QOE3 - Laurel: "Remember when your penis made it in a vagina? It didn't."
What an insult! To frame the "you don't get laid because you are fat and ugly" insult in the form of a question like that would make Alex Trebek proud. I also appreciate how you followed it up with "if I were to see you on the street, I wouldn't touch you," because it insinuates that you go around touching people on the street. Finally, you closed it out by proclaiming E's exit with "you came out because you're a fat fuck, now leave because you're a fat fuck." That doesn't make any sense, but I'm sure your fantasy owners (Tino, Bill Simmons) appreciate the points.
The worst part of Laurel's tirade is that it distracted from Emily and Paula Walnuts making out in the hot tub (11 points for Shim and CO each). Two ladies Frenching in bikinis should not be preempted by a drunk with cottage cheese thighs berating a 275 pound ginger with a beard. If it would have been Melinda and Jenn making out I would have smashed the DVR.
THE CHALLENGE - Kudos to the producers for actually composing a good challenge this week. Heights + short time span + helmet cams = success. If they could have fit spelling or doing math or trivia into the challenge it could have been an A+. (NOTE: I have a brilliant idea for the perfect challenge but I will outline it in detail in a later post.) Anyway, we decided to subtract a point for every person who fell or got DQ'd, meaning Laurel, Theresa, Bananas, Paula, Chet, C.M., and Melinda got docked a point.
Katie however...her fall warranted no loss of points for the comedy factor. As BX2 so eloquently put: "I love the helmet cam. Bitch, you did me good. Write that down." Thank you, Katie, for smashing your face and getting a black eye. Bitch, you did us all good.
Which brings us to Shauvon. You disappointed TJ, you big breasted quitter. That is frowned upon mightily, and thus you are docked 15 points. Coupled with voting yourself into the Gulag and tanking it because Sarah strong-armed you, you are this week's LVP. I'm sure CO appreciates the net -12 you got him this week.
THE REST - Johnny's fight in the Prague club was disappointing due to lack of coverage, but it still netted Tino 15 points (fist fight [10] plus return from hospital [5]). Johnny is turning out to be a surprise Alpha Dog over Derrick this season. Sarah also gets an extra point for making Shauvon give up. Overall, a Goliath showing by Tino's team, getting him 60 points from 4 players.
Katie, however, stole the show. Yelling at everyone, crying all over the place, swearing a massive 19 times...in the end Katie scored a 2009 Chris Johnson-esque 35 points and survived to come back next week. We even gave her an extra point for icing the wrong eye. Henceforth, she shall be known as Katie2K...until she loses the Gulag next week.
Big Easy also scored some big points for Shim, who ended up with a respectable 53. I still don't know how he beat Vinny in the Gulag, but it happened. Sorry, Deroids.
Scoring for week 3:
The standings show a bit of separation from the top three and bottom three:
There's still plenty of Gulag left, so we'll see which teams make a run. Let's hope that the future episodes are all as good as episode three.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
WEEK 2 Results and Anal-
-ysis. Still funny to me.
The second episode began with our first mini-controversy: Does Abram's ghost story constitute a prank (for 4 points)? Healthy debate ensued, but we decided against awarding me points, as it was more of a mind-game than a prank. And not that cool. Again, this episode featured too much challenge/not enough debauchery, so we're hoping MTV does something to feed our hunger for drunken fights and sloppy same-sex making out.
Highlights:
1) Chet making out with Tori Spelling's doppelganger Mandi and then voting her in to the Gulag. A backstab like that deserves some bonus points, and CO nets three more.
2) Abram inexplicably sitting out of the challenge so he can verbally rape his entire team from the sidelines after giving them terrible advice. Way to be a leader!
3) Johnny Bananas' offensive-to-the-Italian-community mocking of Vinny:
QOE2 - Johnny: "Vinny thinks the mugs are like canolis! The more the merrier!"
4) Abram and Cara Maria having creepy Wolverine sex in the shower. Double points for the commish plus a bonus five for Abram coming out looking like a vampire victim.
Scoring:
BeeTwice breaks out with a blue team victory and Brandon prevailing in the Gulag once again. In an inexplicable turn of events, Deroids team did absolutely nothing. Zilch. Not a point. I watched it three times and no one on his team so much as said a swear word. I don't think he has to worry, though, because Melinda is sure to go 2008 DeAngelo Williams and have a monster second half.
The Gulag was cruel to TSavatar again this week, knocking another one of my players out, JD the dolphin trainer.
The second episode began with our first mini-controversy: Does Abram's ghost story constitute a prank (for 4 points)? Healthy debate ensued, but we decided against awarding me points, as it was more of a mind-game than a prank. And not that cool. Again, this episode featured too much challenge/not enough debauchery, so we're hoping MTV does something to feed our hunger for drunken fights and sloppy same-sex making out.
Highlights:
1) Chet making out with Tori Spelling's doppelganger Mandi and then voting her in to the Gulag. A backstab like that deserves some bonus points, and CO nets three more.
2) Abram inexplicably sitting out of the challenge so he can verbally rape his entire team from the sidelines after giving them terrible advice. Way to be a leader!
3) Johnny Bananas' offensive-to-the-Italian-community mocking of Vinny:
QOE2 - Johnny: "Vinny thinks the mugs are like canolis! The more the merrier!"
4) Abram and Cara Maria having creepy Wolverine sex in the shower. Double points for the commish plus a bonus five for Abram coming out looking like a vampire victim.
Scoring:
BeeTwice breaks out with a blue team victory and Brandon prevailing in the Gulag once again. In an inexplicable turn of events, Deroids team did absolutely nothing. Zilch. Not a point. I watched it three times and no one on his team so much as said a swear word. I don't think he has to worry, though, because Melinda is sure to go 2008 DeAngelo Williams and have a monster second half.
The Gulag was cruel to TSavatar again this week, knocking another one of my players out, JD the dolphin trainer.
I should probably be worried, but the Rivers-Gates combo of crazy Cara Maria and psycho Abram gives me hope.
CO suffered his first loss with horseface Mandi, who was sent packing by her Mormon confidant. To quote Chet, "It was a pleasure doing business."
The scoring was as follows:
Overall, not enough house footage to give us supplemental scoring, so winning the challenges is key.
After two weeks, here are our standings:
So far, it looks like auto-draft was the best strategy, but there's a lot more Challenge ahead. Keep reading for our updates, and I'll try to get them posted more quickly. Happy Cutthroating!
WEEK 1 Results and Anal-
-ysis. Made you look.
I was so excited for the start of the new season of "the Challenge" that I wanted to rip the waistband of my underwear over my head and scream "NOW IT'S A NECKLACE!!!" Unfortunately, the first episode wasn't atomic wedgie worthy, but there were some high points nonetheless.
The first ep started off with the selection of teams and a set-up of the rules of the game. We already knew all that shit from Wikipedia, so excuse me while I get bored. The truly interesting parts of the beginning of the show was learning that Ty still has an unrequited stalker-crush on Emily (CO is hoping for something creepy to happen. Bonus points!) and the replay of Shauvon exploding her implant (click on the picture of your humble commisioner to the right if you want to see it again. I know I do!) The first person chosen was Dunbar, which is not surprising considering his intense off-season training regiment, which he will now act out for you with naked Barbie dolls:
So after the teams were chosen, we immediately see that Cara Maria and Abram are interested in hooking up (future points for me!) and that Laurel is even crazier this season. Her hiccuping assault of Shauvon was probably the highlight of the show, and in fact led to Quote of the Episode #1 (QOE1) wherein Shauvon expounds the grammatical masterpiece that is:
QOE1 - Shauvon: "I will kill you in the face!"
It's downright Shakespearian on this show sometimes.
The challenge itself was a little weird (a gas chamber? In a country formerly decimated by WWII? Really?) and complicated (the producers didn't even try to explain the numbers-letters-unlocking thing and instead opted for a deliberately incoherent montage of the players trying to explain it) and boring. However, with a gray team win, yours truly netted an automatic 40 points and was feeling good about myself. That is, until the Gulag.
*Sidenote: I am pretty shocked that spellcheck does not underline Gulag. It does, for instance, underline sidenote, spellcheck, and Ayiiia.
The guys Gulag went as expected, with our Mr. Irrelevant, Gay Derek, getting ousted by Brandon with ease. Tino: "Addition by subtraction."
The girl's Gulag, however, led to the elimination of my sleeper Emilee getting taken out by What's Her Face, in a devastating upset to the commish. Now I only have four gray team members left, meaning it will be feast or famine from here on out.
I was so excited for the start of the new season of "the Challenge" that I wanted to rip the waistband of my underwear over my head and scream "NOW IT'S A NECKLACE!!!" Unfortunately, the first episode wasn't atomic wedgie worthy, but there were some high points nonetheless.
The first ep started off with the selection of teams and a set-up of the rules of the game. We already knew all that shit from Wikipedia, so excuse me while I get bored. The truly interesting parts of the beginning of the show was learning that Ty still has an unrequited stalker-crush on Emily (CO is hoping for something creepy to happen. Bonus points!) and the replay of Shauvon exploding her implant (click on the picture of your humble commisioner to the right if you want to see it again. I know I do!) The first person chosen was Dunbar, which is not surprising considering his intense off-season training regiment, which he will now act out for you with naked Barbie dolls:
So after the teams were chosen, we immediately see that Cara Maria and Abram are interested in hooking up (future points for me!) and that Laurel is even crazier this season. Her hiccuping assault of Shauvon was probably the highlight of the show, and in fact led to Quote of the Episode #1 (QOE1) wherein Shauvon expounds the grammatical masterpiece that is:
QOE1 - Shauvon: "I will kill you in the face!"
It's downright Shakespearian on this show sometimes.
The challenge itself was a little weird (a gas chamber? In a country formerly decimated by WWII? Really?) and complicated (the producers didn't even try to explain the numbers-letters-unlocking thing and instead opted for a deliberately incoherent montage of the players trying to explain it) and boring. However, with a gray team win, yours truly netted an automatic 40 points and was feeling good about myself. That is, until the Gulag.
*Sidenote: I am pretty shocked that spellcheck does not underline Gulag. It does, for instance, underline sidenote, spellcheck, and Ayiiia.
The guys Gulag went as expected, with our Mr. Irrelevant, Gay Derek, getting ousted by Brandon with ease. Tino: "Addition by subtraction."
The girl's Gulag, however, led to the elimination of my sleeper Emilee getting taken out by What's Her Face, in a devastating upset to the commish. Now I only have four gray team members left, meaning it will be feast or famine from here on out.
As for the scoring, $himVegas takes the early lead behind a strong showing by What's Her Face (verbal fight, crying, seven swears, gulag victory), and BX2's boring-ass team brings up the rear.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Draft Results and Analysis
With great pomp and circumstance, we held our draft at the Galway house last Tuesday. CO and Shim went to the casino instead, and of course were rewarded with the first and second picks. The draft played out like this:
Everyone had a different strategy and all the teams seem to be put together nicely. The team breakdown is as follows:
Everyone had a different strategy and all the teams seem to be put together nicely. The team breakdown is as follows:
TEAM SHIM:
1 - Derrick, 12 - Luke, 13 - Paula, 24 - Camila, 25 - Big Eezie
Autopick Strategy: The degenerate gambler went to the casino during the draft. When we drew cards, obviously he got the first overall pick, just to piss the rest of us off. Here's the actual text conversation:
Tsav - Who do you want? You got the number one pick.
Shim - Is a trade available? If not get me CT and I'll go on auto pick.
Tsav - CT isn't officially on the roster so we can't draft him. Derrick, Brad, Abe are.
Shim - If there is scoring for winning at the end I want the bulldog, if not I want Brad.
So Derrick it was. And for not showing up we gave you the chick no one knows and fat Eric. Congrats!
TEAM CO:
2 - Ty, 11- Emily, 14 - Chet, 23 - Mandi, 26 - Shauvon
People He Likes Strategy...plus Shauvon: CO went with Shim to the casino, but at least he kept in touch during the draft and actually picked all of his players. Going with Ty at number 2 was a huge boom-or-bust type of move, but CO really likes his potential. Shauvon with his last pick turned out to be a steal, because she curses like a sailor.
TEAM DEROIDS:
3 - Brad, 10 - Ayiiia, 15 - Tori, 22 - Melinda, 27 - Vinny
Power Couple Strategy: Like pairing an all-star receiver with a pro-bowl quarterback, D went with the Fiorenzas like they were Peyton Manning and Reggie Wayne hoping to double up on points. But neither of those were his best pick. On the clock at 22, D told us this:
D: Oh man, Melinda's still available? She's gonna go nuts now that she's divorced.
Tino: She's divorced!?
Tsav: No way! I would have heard about that.
*Google Melinda and Danny Real World divorce*
Tsav: Holy shit you're right.
D: Give her to me.
Tino: Good pick. Damn.
TEAM BEE TWICE:
4 - Jenn, 9 - Dunbar, 16 - Brandon, 21 - Katie, 28 - Theresa
Doesn't Know Who Anyone Is Strategy: BX2 is our very own "fresh meat" player, because he doesn't watch the shows and doesn't know who anyone is. Quotes for each of his picks were like this:
Jenn: "She's an ex-Raiders cheerleader? And she's bisexual? Yes please."
Dunbar: "I need a big workhorse."
Brandon: "Last black guy."
Katie: "Crazy chick who was in Playboy? Yes please. Does anyone have the Playboy she was in?"
Theresa: "She might get naked."
TEAM TSAVATAR:
5 - Abe, 8 - Cara Maria, 17 - Dan, 20 - Emilee, 29 - JD
Go Gray Team Strategy: Abe was the #1 player on my board, so getting him there at 5 was like a gift from heaven. I wanted to go Laurel at 8 and have the gray team best athletes on lock-down, but Tino swiped her and her massive thighs. I didn't know Dan was sober now, but that might work to my advantage actually. We'll see how it works for me putting all my eggs in one basket, but at least I know what to root for. C'mon gray team! Do better than you did in the Civil War!
TEAM TINO:
6 - Johnny Bananas, 7 - Laurel, 18 - Sarah, 19 - Tyler, 30 - Derek
Best Available Strategy: Getting the last pick had to be hard on Tino, but he did some quality work with it. Usually, gay guys are like tight ends and you want to wait on drafting them, but Tyler is like the Antonio Gates of gay guys. Getting the number one girl and the number one gay might be exactly what it takes to win the Mr. Beautiful Title Belt.
So those are the teams for this year's challenge. Week one is in the books, but as of right now we are still scoring it. I'll get the week one results up soon, so keep checking in. Peace.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
The Rules of the Game
Each manager has selected five players, two males two females and a flex player, in a serpentine-style draft (more on the draft results in a later post). Each of these players scores for their manager each week they are on the show by doing certain actions on camera, not only during the challenges but also during the house scenes. The scoring for these actions is as follows:
| House Categories | VALUE |
| Bleeped | 1 |
| Blurcled | 2 |
| Drunk | 2 |
| Drunk Pass Out | 4 |
| Hot Tub | 2 |
| Crying | 4 |
| Fist Fight | 10 |
| Verbal fight | 3 |
| Make out | 4 |
| Same sex make out | 5 |
| Smush | 6 |
| Same sex smush | 5 |
| Says "alliance" | 1 |
| Prank performer | 4 |
| Prank victim | -4 |
| Hosptial - Elim | -10 |
| Hospital - Return | 5 |
| Kicked off | 5 |
| Additional Scoring | TBD |
| Challenge Categories | |
| Sit out challenge | 2 |
| 1st male chosen | 4 |
| 1st female chosen | 4 |
| Wins Challenge | 10 |
| Safe | 2 |
| Last person chosen | -2 |
| Chosen to Duel | -4 |
| Wins Duel to stay | 10 |
| Eliminated | -15 |
| TJ - "Killed It" | 15 |
| TJ disappointed | -15 |
| Hospital - Elim | -10 |
| Hospital - Return | 5 |
| Additional Scoring | TBD |
As you can see, we have additional scoring on a TBD basis. For instance, truly transcendent moments such as a popped implant, shower threesome, or an atomic wedgie can all be scored much higher than the standard scoring allows.
Each week, two managers will keep score for each other's teams and total up the scores. Obviously, if someone is eliminated from the challenge they will no longer be able to score for their manager. At the end of the season, the manager with the most points gets crowned "Mr. Beautiful" and wins $100.
NEXT POST: Draft results and analysis (coming soon)
Welcome to our sad little world...
Confucious said that competition makes everything better. Or maybe it was Machiavelli. Or Vince Lombardi? Well who cares it was some fucking old guy. Anyways, my friends and I thoroughly enjoy watching the trainwreck that is the Real World Road Rules Challenge, so we drew inspiration from the Bill Simmons/Dave Jacoby/Joe House trio and started our own Fantasy League. This blog is an attempt to document the chaos that will undoubtedly ensue, and also help us keep track of who is winning and losing. Please read, comment, and enjoy.
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