I was so excited for the start of the new season of "the Challenge" that I wanted to rip the waistband of my underwear over my head and scream "NOW IT'S A NECKLACE!!!" Unfortunately, the first episode wasn't atomic wedgie worthy, but there were some high points nonetheless.
The first ep started off with the selection of teams and a set-up of the rules of the game. We already knew all that shit from Wikipedia, so excuse me while I get bored. The truly interesting parts of the beginning of the show was learning that Ty still has an unrequited stalker-crush on Emily (CO is hoping for something creepy to happen. Bonus points!) and the replay of Shauvon exploding her implant (click on the picture of your humble commisioner to the right if you want to see it again. I know I do!) The first person chosen was Dunbar, which is not surprising considering his intense off-season training regiment, which he will now act out for you with naked Barbie dolls:
So after the teams were chosen, we immediately see that Cara Maria and Abram are interested in hooking up (future points for me!) and that Laurel is even crazier this season. Her hiccuping assault of Shauvon was probably the highlight of the show, and in fact led to Quote of the Episode #1 (QOE1) wherein Shauvon expounds the grammatical masterpiece that is:
QOE1 - Shauvon: "I will kill you in the face!"
It's downright Shakespearian on this show sometimes.
The challenge itself was a little weird (a gas chamber? In a country formerly decimated by WWII? Really?) and complicated (the producers didn't even try to explain the numbers-letters-unlocking thing and instead opted for a deliberately incoherent montage of the players trying to explain it) and boring. However, with a gray team win, yours truly netted an automatic 40 points and was feeling good about myself. That is, until the Gulag.
*Sidenote: I am pretty shocked that spellcheck does not underline Gulag. It does, for instance, underline sidenote, spellcheck, and Ayiiia.
The guys Gulag went as expected, with our Mr. Irrelevant, Gay Derek, getting ousted by Brandon with ease. Tino: "Addition by subtraction."
The girl's Gulag, however, led to the elimination of my sleeper Emilee getting taken out by What's Her Face, in a devastating upset to the commish. Now I only have four gray team members left, meaning it will be feast or famine from here on out.
As for the scoring, $himVegas takes the early lead behind a strong showing by What's Her Face (verbal fight, crying, seven swears, gulag victory), and BX2's boring-ass team brings up the rear.
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